Dirty Glasses

Michael wore glasses, he actually had two pair and got these glasses recently (last few months). He would get his glasses so dirty. They would have fingerprints, smudges, and oily marks on them. Every morning before school, I would get his glasses and clean them off. Every night I would show him the proper way to take off and put on his glasses. With all that instruction, he still managed to get his glasses very smudged.

When I first heard about his glasses, jenn said that they were gold and plastic. Gold and Plastic, I thought to myself, did he not hear about all of my stories in the big brown glasses and my anti-coolness?

When I got home, I saw the glasses and they were not so bad. I admired him for picking out an edge-y pair of glasses, I know I never would have done such a thing. He pulled off the Bronze (in my color palette) plastic glasses quite well. The frames appeared to be a bit small for his growing head (when do our heads stop growing?). I loved the fact that he finally liked glasses and would wear them all the time.

He told me once...
"I used to hate wearing glasses, until I looked around class and saw the other kids who wore glasses. Then I thought it was ok to wear them." He used to fall asleep wearing his glasses, it was very cute. Each time I would have a mini-cow because I didn't want them to break. Looking back, I am glad he got to see the world clearer the last few months. I am also glad at his outlook on life, I know I never was that cool about things as a child (nor as an adult!).

Piplup Plush Animals and Nellie

Michael loved stuffed animals. He loved ones that would fit in his hand, bigger was not always better. He used to keep several of his prized stuffed animals on his bed last year. I remember when the Pokemon small plush animals came out at Target. Michael would walk by and handle each plush figure.

Unfortunately our dog loved to eat stuffed animals. She could eat a fake squirrel but couldn't be bothered with a real one. Nellie loved sitting in Michael's room looking out the window at the world. If she happened to find one of Michael's stuffed animals, she was in heaven. She would take the stuffed animal to her favorite location in the living room or would tear apart the stuffed animal right on Michael's bed. She would usually pull out half of the stuffing and rip the animal in a few pieces.

Michael having lost several of his prized possessions, was diligent in shutting his bedroom door each and every day. It always made me feel sad to see the look of horror when he realized that Nellie had gotten to another of his stuffed animals. If Nellie got to one of his animals, we would end up replacing it within a week or two.
Piplup was one of his favorite stuffed animals because it fit in his hand. I remember the day we bought it at Target, it drew a huge smile from his face! He would say in a squeaky voice "Piplup, Piplup, Piplup!" Apparently, Pokemon could only say their names and sit on your shoulder like a parrot, or walk on the kitchen counter. It was a cool pokemon and what child doesn't like a penguin? Piplup's major weapons were bubbles or water. We used to play with Piplup when he was younger, but now I only have the hollow echo's of Michael saying "Piplup, Piplup, Piplup."

Father's Day

Father's day is a day to celebrate all that your dad has done for you and if you are a father, have your children celebrate you on this day. I used to be a father, up until April 9th. I can't say I was the best father, I can say that I went through phases. Some phases I was more attentive to Michael than others. I have been told that I am too hard on myself and I think I always will be. I could take this post to detail all the areas I was deficient as a father, but I won't do that to Michael's Memory. I can say that he taught me to care and love someone. Someone that couldn't make it on his own (because he was a child, he did have a super awesome mom and great grandparents).

So how could Michael have honored me today? Michael will always honor me as his father because he was a good person. He had a heart of gold bigger than any grown-ups. He once offered me a cookie he got (and he loved cookies) at the Atlanta Bread Company because he was proud of me for getting a certification. I know a lot of kids would not give up their favorite desert because their dad got a paper certification. Michael's everyday actions honored me. He loved me and brought out the best in me. Michael and Jenn were a 1 2 team. They could brighten my day and fix any wrong.
Michael helped out so much around the house and never really got an allowance. Michael would say I was the best dad in the world. While I may not have always believed it, it sounded so good coming out of his little mouth.

Michael loving to hear my stories and asking me time and time again to tell stories honored me. I never thought a child could make such an impact on my life given my history as a child and what I went through. I never thought I would make a great dad, but in my heart I think I did OK, that Michael got everything he wanted and got the love and affection that a dad deserves to give his kids. Michael was my beacon of hope, that after everything he went through he was a resilient, kind-hearted, loving, compassionate, caring, honest, and funny kid. He truly was one in a million and I am better for having had him in my life.

The last thing we did together

The last thing that Michael and I did together....

What is the last thing that you want to be known for with any friends or family. Take a moment and think about it. Would it be something spectacular or something very sweet and loving. Would it be angry or petty. I often wonder now would I do things differently. I think I have a better sense that life can be incredibly short. I have had a lot of my family die in my life but I never once got that message until Michael passed away.

The last thing we did was re-route our Comcast Cable from around the room to under the bed. It was rather mundane and not very exciting. Michael didn't quite understand what I wanted him to do because I didn't give him the big picture before we started. Once he understood, he did a great job. We worked together to get the cable run under the bed and under the dresser and finally up to the TV. He wanted to get to school early that morning. I am glad that I was dragging my feet because I got an additional memory from that April Day.

While the memory is not exciting, it is one of the last memories I have. It was a memory from his last day. He was the greatest helper and most times helped without question. All in all, I could never have asked for a better child. I always told him he was the best son a dad could have. Thank you Michael for being who you were and leaving me a better person for it.

Chick-Fil-A Birthday

Last Year I signed Michael up for the Chick-Fil-A birthday club. We joined at the one closest to us on Capital Circle. I love the store and the marketing campaigns they have there. Chick-fil-A in general really has their finger on the pulse of America. Last year we went to the party because we could. Michael was real nervous and we happened to get there very early. There were about 8-9 kids there, Michael being the oldest. Michael got a birthday shirt which they had him wear, they got to color, free lunch, a piece of cake I think and a free ice dream cone, and of course a balloon sculpture "thingy." Michael had them make him a sword, a sword he could use to get the bad guys in his pretend world that followed him everywhere.

It was a sweet party and Michael really didn't know what to do with himself at the time, I had him sit with the other kids while I sat off to the side out of the spotlight. At the end of the party, the kids got to spin the wheel and get a free prize. Michael won a free sandwich, but the prize he really wanted was the Chick-fil-A cow plush mini-toy. He walked back to me slightly disappointed, I told him to go up to ask the lady to see if he could exchange his gift. He was scared to go up there. He was a shy kid and didn't want to do it. I told him to go back up and ask for it, because if he didn't no one would know and it never hurt to ask.

He did go up there with some more talking on my part and asked for he cow. The lady exchanged him the coupon for the cow and he walked back to me with a huge smile on his face. Over the past year, he had developed even more confidence and I was sure that this year he would tell the employee what he wanted upon winning a prize.
Yesterday I got the Chick-fil-A birthday club party announcement. It broke my heart that Michael will not be able to go this year or any other year. I can't help but feel my heart sink when events come up that I think he may enjoy, but he is no longer here to experience them.

Thank you Chick-fil-A for giving me that memory with my son last year. I was always up for trying new things, especially if they meant free food for my son.Chick-fil-A, support Chick-fil-A and their Birthday Club! They have the best people of any fast food establishment.

Movies We Can't Watch - And Ones Michael Would Love

Here is a list of movies that we can't really watch. If you know of any other movies, let me know.
1) 7 pounds - never got around to seeing the end once we realized what was happening
2) John Q - Worst movie because of the theme.
3) My Sisters Keeper - With Michael's heart condition, how could we watch this movie?
4) Heart of a Child - Tear Jerker

Movies that Michael would have loved
1) Transformers 2 - he would have loved this best
2) Up
3) Night at the Museum 2
4) Monster vs Aliens
5) Star Trek and Wolverine - not sure if Jenn would let him see these
6) Land of the Lost
7) Year One - not sure of the rating on this
8) Ice Age 3
9) G-Force
10) G.I. Joe - he would have loved this best
11) Astro-boy
12) Planet 51
13) Avatar

As you can see our hobby was children's movies, by listing the movies Michael would have liked. Michael and I saw Bolt at the dollar theater. Michael liked the dollar theater because I would let him play video games before the movie, and we would eat ice cream after the movie next door. He loved snickers popables, and was known to eat Mike and Ikes or some twizzlers.

Best Friends

Today was an interesting day for me. To start the day, I had a best friend from my past get back in touch with me, John W. John was the only guy who stuck with me through all the hard times I had when I was a teenager (death of a mom, granddad, and my HS friends ditching me, loss of my brothers to live with my dad, in addition to your everyday teenager stuff). If not for my friend John, I am sure I would not be here today.
Also today, I went to my best friend James's house. James and I have been best friends for a long time, we were quad mates in the dorms at FSU back in 96. We roomed together in 97 and were roommates for a couple of years. James has been a big part of my life for the past decade, through weddings, births, new cars, broken down cars, broken computers, you name it. If I were broken down 3 hours from here at 3 in the morning and needed someone to come get me, my friend James would come get me. If you do not have a friend like this, then you are missing out. Most times I went to James's house, I would take Michael along for the ride. Michael and I would play games in the car on the ride to and from James's house.
It takes about 45 minutes to get to James's house, 101 South Boonies lane. Rarely would I go to James's house without Michael. Actually, the only time I wouldn't take Michael is if Michael was out of town. It was a very hard trip to make without Michael. On my way down I cried in the car when I thought about how Michael loved me to tell him "funny stories" about my youth. When I thought about how Michael loved to hear my stories and that he would laugh and light up when I told them, my eyes misted up. Tears raced down my cheeks when I knew that he will no longer be able to hear my stories.
James and I took the boat out and I remembered one time when we took Michael with us, that Michael loved the boat ride, but always made sure he was fully inside the boat and safe. James would always wrestle with Michael and pick him up or flip him around. Michael loved the attention James gave him.
Michael had best friends too. Michael had a best friend Addison while in pre-school. He had a best friend Tony while in Kindergarten. Michael really looked up to Tony, and he liked the Jaguars because of Tony (even though Michael never watched football). These last two years he became best friends with Greg, Kemo, Mallory, and Cayle. Michael loved these friends and they all were very close. This year Greg, Mallory and Cayle were super close. I was so proud that Michael had friends like I have had, that he had the best of friends and it was such a wonderful year. Michael passed out next to Mallory and Greg while Cayle was in the class too. You can never pick when your kids pass away, but I know that he was not alone. He had his mother in his heart every minute of every day, he had me with him at all times, and he passed out next to the best friends he had, whom he saw everyday; then passed away later.
He did not die alone, he was with people whom he loved very much during his last waking moments. As much as I wish Jenn and I could be there, I know that he knew Jenn and I loved him and were always with him. Some of his last thoughts were about playing with his friends, it is sad and unfair and it makes me cry, but at least he had best friends and they had such a wonderful effect upon him. They had shared experiences ranging from growing up, making movies, movie/cartoon/tv characters, fighting monsters, and doing everything in between.
He had loving parents, and had his very own best friends, the best friends anyone could ask for. He was a happy, no, a very happy boy.