Three Months Yesterday

A lot has been going on inside of me,

a blanket of sadness enveloping me like a dark night.
A storm rolled in from the sea.

I may have already posted the lyrics to this song. The person I am is someone who can listed to a song 30 or more times in a row. I woke up on the couch, crashed watching tv. I decided to load some new music on my ipod and put on my headphones. I looked at music in my library and found this song. I downloaded the lyrics and spent a few moments changing the words up. I love Winter Song... The first time I heard it was after they performed on Jay Leno. I went on YouTube and watched the video about 20 times that night. I purchased the song on itunes and haven't listed to it much since then.

Michael passed away 3 months ago yesterday (Thursday), an anniversary parents shouldn't have to celebrate. This is my winter song to Michael.....


Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum

This is our winter song to you.
You left us too soon,
A storm rolled in from the sea

Your voice; a beacon in my night.
my memories are my light,
I carry you with me.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

They say that things just cannot grow
Beneath the winter snow,
Or so i have been told.

They say your spirit lives far,
Just like a distant star
we simply cannot hold.

Our love is alive...
Our love is alive...
Our love is alive...

This is my winter song.
April 9th never felt so wrong,
Cause you're not where you belong;
inside our arms.

Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum

Do I still believe in summer days?
The seasons always change
And life will find a way.

Ill be your harvester of light
And send it out every night
One day to meet again.

Our love is alive...
Our love is alive...
Our love is alive...

This is our winter song.
April never felt so wrong,
Cause you're not where you belong;
Inside our arms.

This is my winter song to you.
You left us too soon
A storm rolled in from the sea.

Our love for you a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light
To carry you to me.

Our love is alive...
Our love is alive...
Our love is alive...

Our love is alive...
Our love is alive...
Our love is alive...

Our love is alive...
Our love is alive...
Our love is alive...

Our love is alive...
Our love is alive...
Our love is alive...

Our love is alive...
Our love is alive...
Our love is alive...

Our love is alive...
Our love is alive...
Our love is alive...

Download the song from iTunes, it is beautiful. Michael would have said, "You are still listening to the same song?" I would have shown him the video and he would have liked it because it was a cartoon and he was a lover of cartoons.

This couch isn't big enough for the two of us

We have a small brown couch from Pier 1, it stinks.  It is super-lightweight, not very wide, and is barely 5.5 feet long.  I loved laying on the couch though.  It was the only place our dog Nellie wasn't allowed.  It also was in front of our Den T.V.  

When Michael was smaller he used to get on the opposite end of the couch and would lay on it also.  This was not too much of a problem when he was small.  I would move his feet behind my legs.  As he got taller his feet inched higher and higher up on me.  He was at the point where his feet were near my butt.  That was weird and we were always trying to adjust his feet so they didn't poke me.  I loved it when he was on the couch and we watched tv together.  It was usually a cartoon like Chaotic.  We would each lay at opposite ends of the couch with a pillow under our heads.  We would be under a sheet and watch the latest episode of Chaotic.  Of course there was always the "move your legs Michael" and the "Stu your toes are in my face" banter between us.  The banter would get annoying at times, but I would give anything to hear that banter again.  We purchased a new couch (blue) a week before Michael died.  When picking this couch, I made sure that it would hold the bigger Michael and me.  That feature was the most important for me actually.  Michael never got to see the couch (he was on spring break when we picked it out), and we didn't get it until several weeks after the funeral.  Laying on the couch has never been the same.

When Jenn did her all night scraps, Michael and I would get on the couch, cover up with a sheet.  I would fall asleep first and he would soon follow as we watched a movie.  Nothing was sweeter than seeing his angelic face sleeping on the couch.  He would cup his face with his right hand and have his left hand near his chest.  When he was sleeping, he was at peace.  

He is at peace now, but I miss the mild yet managed anarchy that once roamed our house.