Sunday, June 7, 2009
Tears and Fears
Whenever I see pictures of Michael I get tears in my eyes. Typically they race down my face like fast approaching storm. How can I keep Michael in my memories without having the tears. I hate being sad, so there a lot of times and things that I do not want to remember.
I have a guilty vein in me and I am always hard on myself. If I think about it, I can think of a million different things I would have done better. Literally a million. So my days are spent
trying to remember, but trying not to try.
Trying to think I did my best, when I know I could have done better.
Trying to think I will always remember every little thing, but knowing I forget things day by day.
Pacing the house when I have nothing to do, just wasting time walking in circles.
Hating weekends because they were the times I spent the most time with Michael.
Not knowing what to do with myself.
Wanting to let Michael know that he meant the world to me even if I don't always think about him because it makes me to sad to think that is really gone.